The worst part of living your life as a walking zombie is that you don’t know what to do next, feeling bored of the repetitive routines, being indifferent towards changes around you, easily annoyed by those petty details that everyone’s talking about, easily affected by other’s emotional feelings and feeling sleepy all the time. Trust me, it’s not about my PMS or another chessy love story that ended up in despair.
Seriously, it feels like I can no longer experience anything interesting and none of these manage to ignite any sparks of interest in me towards anything around, like nothing I’m telling you! When was the last time I get excited over something new? When was the last time I raced with time excitingly to finish up a project? When was the last time I feel so overwhelmed for being able to achieve my goals? When was the last time I actually cried for something insignificant? When was the last time I argued with someone because of clashes in opinions? When was the last time when I’m grateful for being able to finish multi tasks in a short period of time and ended up in coma just to pay up my slept debt? And when was the time when I keep telling myself that “Jenn, the Lord wants you to live a victorious life so don’t give up..”?
I can’t imagine myself living my life this way, it wasn’t something that I had in mind before deciding to settle myself in this place. So far, I can’t seem to recall anything that I’ve done cool. I prayed a short prayer before going to bed yesterday night, asking God if he could make my life more interesting. I waited and I got bored, I was just too tired of thinking about how I’ll get upset if I don’t get what I want and the fact that I’m too far from him. I have to admit that I become more defensive and reserved here, unlike the old me who is willing to give shots to every opportunity available. I’m too proud to say that I don’t care, I’m too ignorant to admit that I have this unresolved problems and I’m too bored to be bothered about anything….except complaining.
And you know the next thing I did when I woke up in the morning? I typed in the word “Sanguine’ in my search engine and did some research the minute I remember someone was saying that I’m a Sanguine…which I thought it has something to do with penguin at first. Goodness I tell you, it totally matches my rhymes. And yes, I hereby officially announce to the world that I’m a proud Sanguine….who has a lot of catchy habitual weakness to look after and be reminded. I was kind of taken back and felt discouraged after skimming through the results. Well, all these while, I’ve been telling myself not to be over-dominating, bossy, controlling, always wanting to get hold of the whole thing and being dictatorial because you see, when you’re the eldest of the five in the family, you’ll naturally get the idea of wanting to put all the scattered pieces together and exert some authoritative forces to bind things in a way.
With all the pressures I had to bear from family’s expectations, people’s standards, and all those crap, I was trained to be someone who’s well adjusted to the flexible changes around, fearing nothing except for letting people down and I know, it’s sad and pathetic. Yet, the bright side of such circumstances were the fact that I was living my life the fullest, finding myself waking up in the morning, staring at the ceiling and telling myself that today’s going to be a big run for me and I have loads to do and of course, I was always in the mode of discovering my own potentials and trying to fix my weaknesses. That’s how extreme I can be when I get motivated. Here’s the reality, I don’t freaking feel like that anymore. When the hell am I going to get things fix and find back myself. For those who still doesn’t know what on earth is a Sanguine, check this out.
“Sanguine personality is affected by chemical called dopamine, which makes these people intensely curious and creative. Their curiosity can be expressed in their love for reading and different kinds of knowledge. They possess high amounts of energy, so they may seem restless and spontaneous. They are willing to take risks for the sake of pursuit of their numerous interests. These people feel bored if they are not absorbed by something intriguing. They crave for adventure and novelty. People with sanguine personality adapt easily and generally can play many roles. They are buoyant, lively and optimistic. They prefer to live in big cities where they can satisfy their craving for variety much easier. Sanguine people are very poor at tolerating boredom. Routine jobs, repetitive experiences, boring companions annoy and irritate them. They avoid routine and monotony at all costs. In fact they love interruptions, because they get energized during these small changes in course. These people are impulsive. They often can't control their cravings and may struggle with weight. More than any other type this temperament is more susceptible to smoking, alcohol, drugs, gambling and risky sex. Their spontaneity reflects in last-minute plans and moments of intellectual discovery. Sanguine people are usually more creative than other type, be it poetry, music, theater, art, business or cooking. Sadly, they are also most susceptible to chemical imbalances, addictions and mood disorders. This personality type is characterized by curiosity and wide range of interests. These people are hungry for knowledge. Some of them arewalking encyclopedias, while some others visit almost every known country in the world. Manystay in school for long in order to learn and have several degrees. Dopamine activity promotesmotivation and goal-oriented behavior, as well as enthusiasm, focus, assertiveness, incentive and drive to achieve. However, often sanguine people are so busy with their numerous interests that they will procrastinate completing their tasks: they are just too busy to think about deadlines. These people are very autonomous and unconventional. They trust their impulses and take risks. Their motto is: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained". They launch into projects that seem sure to fail and often win big.People with sanguine personality are extreme optimists. They make it their job to seek joy and find a way to be happy. They are sensation seekers that derive pleasure from highly arousing experiences. They "drink life".”
So you see, that pretty much describes me, except that I haven’t actually show the other side of me, which is the Choleric, High D side and normally, you don’t really want to get there because I can be really cruel and harsh. I got this whole information fromhttp://www.askwomennet.com/sanguine-personality.html by the way and in case you’re with me and you’re a Sanguine as well, I will totally suggest you to read another more detailed description of sanguine traits from http://www.a-z-dictionaries.com/blog/sanguine/. Seriously, just cut off the crap of debating whether personality traits are nurture or nature because trust me, when you’ve reached this age and still not so sure of your own personality traits, that rings a warning bell that you should get a new flashy mirror and start reflecting on yourself because it’s more interesting to discover your own personality mannerism instead of getting the idea of what kind of person you are from people screaming at you, lol. For your information, those highlighted italic bolded words are the traits that I once had, qualities that I took pride in but sadly, lost it by now. Those are not in italics? Well, I still have those so screw it. Damn, 2 hours in the library and I’m supposed to rush my assignments instead of…listening to music. I blame the following videos for their awesome-ness. I am truly in love with these.
- Hey Monday- Candles -
- Christina Perri- Jar of Hearts -
- Christina Aguilera- You lost Me -
- Bruno Mars- Talking to the Moon -
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